


The Best Laid Plans

by Nehasy



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Child Soldiers, M/M, Mild Language, Pre-Series, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nehasy/pseuds/Nehasy
Summary: The Dragonslayers are on a rescue mission!





	The Best Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prompt challenge# 94 from Ivorybyrd/drkstars with the line "Ow, my ass!" Heh, you all thought I was gonna do porn didn't you!! well the joke's on you! Instead we have fire and violence! And fire!! I wanted to go with the premise of it being just one of those days where nothing seems to go right. We've all had those days right? Well, so has Dilandau. This isn't an overly serious fic because I'm in a silly mood at the moment and sort of high on cold meds. It's still set in the Dragons universe, pre war. Enjoy!
> 
> I don't own Vision of Escaflowne or any characters, not making monies.

 

“Sir… just so you know… the walls are on fire…” Gatti’s voice was raised to be heard over the roar of the flames as he backed up against the growing heat, bumping into Shesta.

“Yes, I noticed that Gatti, thank you!” Dilandau snarled in disgust as he spun around, trying to locate anything they could use as an exit. This was easier said than done with the ever thickening smoke. Dallet was already coughing badly and crouching down to try to get below the smoke.

“And the ceiling…” The second in command added helpfully as he guided his friend backwards, noting that the beams over their heads weren’t looking overly load bearing any longer.

“How about you help me find a door that isn’t blocked rather than give me updates on the obvious lieutenant?” The pale captain kicked hard at one of the walls, hoping that maybe their luck had turned and it wouldn’t be as sturdy as the others. “Dallet, soak the damn kerchief that slut in housekeeping gave you and breathe through that. I know you’re hiding it in your jacket pocket so stop being an idiot.” Crimson eyes glared at the sturdy wall accusingly, convinced that it was part of the conspiracy currently working against the unit. Who the hell build walls that solid? It was like they were paranoid of an escape or something.

“I’m going to die in here!” Corporal Liens howled in terror, his eyes were wide and bright with panic. His large frame was braced up by Miguel and Ryuun, being the two largest members of the team, though both seemed to bow beneath his weight. Even without his armour on, the Corporal was heavily built and in possession of a rather impressive collection of muscles that only a life in the Infantry could bestow. For the slender pilots, he easily outweighed them both… twice over.

“If you’re going to die, do it quietly.” Dilandau grumbled, giving the wall another kick yet doing little more than scuffing the thick wood. Still, he was sure that it had sounded much more solid than the other ones, almost as if this was one of the fortresses outer walls. A smile tugged at his lips as a plan began to form. Well, it wasn’t like they had to be quiet any longer...

It really was time to go, and as much as he loved fire and would have thoroughly enjoyed watching this damn building going up in flames, he’d much prefer to not have his men inside the inferno when it happened. Granted, leaving the corporal here to roast was becoming a more welcome possibility with every passing moment.

It was bad enough that this moron had gotten himself captured in the first place on some stupid half assed escapade to sneak in behind enemy lines during a skirmish and kidnap their General. Sure it would have looked amazing if it had worked, the problem was that it hadn’t. Worse, he’d cost the lives of several good men and women with is stupid stunt.

Normally, he’d have been left to rot like the useless garbage that he was. Let the enemy deal with him, the Empire wasn’t going to waste the time and resources… usually. In this case, Corporal Liens happened to be the son of a rather influential general. Said general wanted her useless spawn back, hopefully to beat him to death personally while explaining to him that she should have swallowed all those many years ago.

The air was getting harder to breathe though he noticed that several of his men had pulled out various cloths and pressed them against their mouths, hoping to filter out some of the smoke. Someone, likely Ryuun had affixed a similar cloth to the corporal’s face. Dilandau wasn’t going to ask him where he got the extra cloth, though if asked, he’d have happily suggested using it as a gag. The moron just wasn’t shutting up.

Seeing as how stealth was no longer an issue, the guards all knew where they were thanks to the idiot screaming and knocking over an oil lamp during a panic attack and coating half the room in flammable liquid. In fact, right now they were currently battering at the door, trying to knock it down. It was the only door to the room they were currently in, proving that somewhere out there, there were gods on Gaea… and they were assholes.

“Alright, I’m sick of this place.” He announced loudly, getting the attention of his men. “It’s boring and I don’t like the locals. We’ve already set the place on fire, so there’s not much else to entertain ourselves with.”

“Yeah.” Viole agreed loudly, glancing somewhat nervously at the door before grinning back at his captain. “I don’t like Daedalus, we should just burn the whole damn place down.”

“Viole!” Gatti hissed, slipping over to the eager Dragonslayer, keeping his voice low enough for the captain to not hear. “How about you don’t encourage him?”

“Lighten up!” The long haired slayer grinned back at the second in command, his eyes perhaps a tad too bright to be considered sane in this situation. “The Captain has never let us down before. I don’t see him starting now.”

Dilandau and Gatti exchanged surreptitious looks with each other behind Viole’s back as the ash blonde shot his captain a look which clearly said “This is all your fault you know”. He likely meant the utterly uncompromising faith his men had in him to miracles out of his ass no matter how dire the situation. Granted, he could easily mean the fire. They just sort of happened around him, and it wasn’t as if he’d been the one to knock over the lamp.

“Dallet, are the second tier still keeping the perimeter secure?” Dilandau glanced over at his communication officer, pretending not to notice how he was still choking a lung out on the smoke. Realizing that he likely hadn’t been heard over the general chaos going on around them, he gave the man a sharp cuff across the back of the head. “Dallet, report!” If he had to repeat his question again, the slayer was walking home.

“Sorry sir!” The brunette tilted his head to the side and spoke quickly into the portable comm hooked onto his shoulder guard. Technically Dilandau was supposed to have his equipped as well, but it always annoyed him and ruined the sleek lines of his armour so he didn’t bother. Of course, usually the missions went much more smoothly than this cock up.

While Dallet spoke with Leorio, second tier’s comm operator, Dilandau spared their prize a dark look of pure and utter annoyance as his screams began to take on an even more annoying pitch.

“Miguel, the man’s leg is on fire. Put him out.”

“With what sir? There’s nothing left in the room to use!”

“Piss on him, I don’t care, just don’t let him die. I doubt General Lenitas won’t be thrilled with us if we return her spawn as a lump of charcoal”

“Honestly sir, it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that.” The handsome slayer shot his leader a bit of a grin while Ryuun simply rolled his eyes, long accustomed to inappropriate banter between his two superiors.

“The Tean incident wasn’t my fault.”

“And corporal Mendes?”

“Totally was. But Folken is in a particularly pissy mood this week and I’d rather wait for something truly fun to truly infuriate him with rather than a fuck up with this waste of oxygen.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t have painted a giant teardrop on his guymelef?”

“He wouldn’t have noticed if the techs hadn’t ratted me out.”

“Could you stop flirting with the captain long enough to help me put this idiots leg out? It stinks like old pork in here now.” The bespectacled slayer grumbled at his teammate as he struggled to continue holding the struggling man. Taking pity on the two of them, Guimel darted over and quickly slapped the flames out... perhaps a tad harder than he needed to judging by the somewhat malicious grin on his face. Dilandau chose not to reprimand him seeing as how the pain caused the moron to pass out for a few moments, giving them some blessed peace.

“Sorry to interrupt sir.” Dallet butted in, actually looking honestly apologetic. “Second tier is holding off reinforcements while third tier is keeping the outer perimeter secure. Both report that everything is under control.” Nodding his head, Dilandau smiled and reached into his belt, pulling out his E-kit and rooting through it, much to the confusion of his men.

“Get everyone away from the outer wall.” He ordered as he pulled out his personal emergency beacon and activated it. Gatti’s eyes widened as the small cylinder began to beep and flash merrily at regular intervals. “Tell Leorio to send Mikka in to attack my beacon signal. I want pinpoint accuracy. If he misses by even an inch I’ll have him skinned alive and hung from our war banner.”

“No pressure sir?” Gatti had perhaps the faintest of smiles on his lips in response to the savage grin Dilandau shot him.

“None at all. Of course, if he misses, we all die.”

“Not one of your better plans sir.”

“Fuck off, it’s brilliant. Shesta, pick a side and stand on it or you’ll be hit by by rubble.” The albino snapped sharply at the small blonde who darted off to the left moments before the far wall exploded inwards, a huge crima claw piercing the small beacon cylinder neatly in half. It was a perfect shot, though everyone in the room was peppered with smouldering hot dust and ash.

Unfortunately, losing a load bearing wall seemed to be somewhat detrimental to the structural integrity of the burning room and everyone heard the ominous groaning as the fire sheathed ceiling began to sag lower with every passing second.

“Mikka, flatten out the claw to give us a platform then fold it around us!” The captain barked, already shoving dragonslayers towards the gaping hole and crumbling floor.

“Does he even know how to do that sir?” Gatti asked as he reached out to help Miguel and Ryuun deal with their dead weight. It was a valid question seeing as how it wasn’t one of the standard configurations they trained with, but at this moment, Dilandau really didn’t care. He needed a platform and he damn well expected to get one!

“He’d better figure it out fast. That ceiling is about to come down on us.” Viole warned, moving closer to the broken wall and risking a glance downwards. They were ten stories above ground, a fall from here would be fatal. “Yeah... I’m way too cute to die as a pancake... figure it out Mikka or I’ll haunt you forever.”

They all watched as the crima claw twisted and writhed, causing even more damage to the floor as the slayer inside the alseides struggled with the advanced technique and likely was beginning to panic.

“He’s not going to figure it out.” Gatti warned even as Dallet did his best to give instructions in a calm manner.

A section of the floor gave away beneath them and the smoke was almost too thick to breathe by now. Everyone was forced to crouch even lower to the ground and their face cloths were beginning to fail, causing more than one dragonslayer to begin to choke badly.

“Dammit, we can’t wait.” Dilandau growled and reached over to Dallet’s comm, grabbing it from the slayer’s hand. “Mikka, Crima form 13. Wrap us in the damn tentacle, but don’t crush us. We need everyone out at once, this place won’t last long enough for individual extraction.” He shoved the comm back to Dallet, shooting the alseides a look of disgust for failing to reach his impossible standards. “Everyone, you’re going to need to tie yourselves on quickly, if you slip, you’re screwed. Miguel, Ryuun, can you each wrap up Corporal Asshat? It would be a shame to drop him before I could kick his ass.” The two slayers nodded as each soldier pulled the emergency lines out of their belt. The ropes were thin but sturdy, built to secure people to the catwalks of the Vione during sudden manoeuvres. They would work perfectly for just this sort of situation.

As the giant crima claw dissolved into its malleable liquid state, the dragonslayers all quickly moved together, wrapping one arm around the person on their left while readying their ropes. Once the liquid metal reformed and lashed around them, pulling them tightly against each other, the ropes were knotted into place with professional efficiency.

Sure, it was a little tight and hard to breathe what with being pressed together, but that helped stabilize them and would offer them some support during flight. Speaking of...

“Mikka, fly slowly and carefully. Any sudden movements will snap our spines.” Dilandau called out, aware that the systems on the alseides would allow the pilot within to hear his voice.

No sooner had the words left his lips when the door to the room finally gave way, allowing the daedalusian guards to pour in like a human flood, only to draw themselves up short at the sheer destruction of the room. Several were left gaping at the sight of the massive war machine framed with flames and Dilandau couldn’t help but give a little grin.

“When you take off, spray the area. I want to see it all burn to ash.” He ordered, giggling softly and ignoring Gatti’s softly murmured “Of course... because it’s not already on friggin fire...”

“A...affirmative sir!” The pilot’s voice squeaked out nervously and as the alseides pulled away from the burning room with its precious cargo in hand. It shifted just enough to bring the other arm up to bear, spraying the area with liquid fire. The guards never even had a chance to scream. It didn’t matter, they wouldn’t have been heard over Dilandau’s shrieks of laughter.

“Take us to the rendezvous site.” Gatti instructed, having to yell to be heard over the maniacal cackling. It didn’t help that several of the other dragonslayers were joining in, making their escape sound as if it was being perpetrated by a pack of insane hyena men.

 

The flight to their stashed units was uneventful but the landing clearly needed work. Unused to carrying so many people, Mikka overbalanced and ended up falling to his knees, releasing his claw in a panic at the last moment before the arms of the guymelef slammed down into the ground only two feet away from Dallet’s head.

The spent crima metal burst into searing hot blue flames, causing everyone to roll frantically out of the way, several of the men yelling out a rather wide range of insults as they rolled around in an attempt to put out the flames which licked at their uniforms.

The corporal was momentarily forgotten in the chaos and woke up to find his legs on fire. Screaming at the top of his lungs, the man actually got to his feet and began racing around the small clearing like a madman until Guimel and Ryuun tackled him to the ground and smothered the flames with dirt. Neither of them really minded being able to throw mud and wet leaves on a superior officer and they didn’t struggle overly hard to hide their nearly identical grins.

Off to the side, Dilandau was busy dusting himself off and giving the alseides a withering glare which promised weeks of bathroom detail the instant they were back on the Vione.

“Ow... my ass.” Miguel groaned from where he lay on the ground, deciding that he wasn’t about to move for the next few hours... or at least until his tailbone stopped screaming at him. “I think it’s broken.”

“Poor baby, want me to kiss it better?” Shesta snickered, brushing a few stray leaves out of his hair and checking to make sure he was in one piece. His hair was slightly singed on the left side, but other than a few bruises, the worst damage seemed to be to his ego.

“Fuck you Shes, I know where your lips have been.” The lieutenant snapped back, flipping the blonde a rather rude hand sign before being nudged by the toe of Gatti’s boot.

“Are you seriously injured, or just bitching?” The second in command asked, sounding almost bored with the entire ordeal.

“Yeah, if you can’t move your hips let me know.” Shesta grinned in challenge at the brunette. “I’ll be sure to convey your apologies to the captain. This is one of the nights your schedules sync up isn’t it? Too bad, hey, so does mine! Imagine that...”

“Oh I’m going to kill you! You little trollop!”

“Stow it Shes. Miguel, stop trying to choke him, we’re still on mission.”

Ignoring the drama taking place behind him, Dilandau approached the corporal and gave him a quick visual inspection. Aside from a few burns, some bruises and the mostly superficial damage from his initial interrogation, the man had escaped relatively unscathed. He’d been damn lucky, most would have been crippled at the very least by their captors. It seemed that these particular Daedalusians had rather weak stomachs for proper torture. You just couldn’t get competent work out of people these days.

“Are you injured?” He had to ask as a formality, even though he honestly didn’t care. Honestly, the man really did deserve a few broken bones for the trouble he’d caused Zaibach. Sweet Fate, the Dragonslayers had been pulled off assignment to get this useless idiot.

“You incompetent morons!” Corporal Liens snarled in rage, his fists raised up as if ready to strike at the captain. “You call that a rescue!? Of all the half-assed, useless cockups I’ve ever borne witness to, you should be court martialled for your incompetence you albino freak! When we get back I’m going to-”

He never did get to finish his threat before his head was rolling across the clearing. The dragonslayers all stood there silently, watching it tumble for a few feet before bumping against the leg of Mikka’s alseides.

“It’s a shame the man was dead when we found him.” Gatti murmured in a deadpan voice.

“There was nothing we could have done.” Miguel agreed, taking a moment to stretch out his back, not overly bothered by the sudden reckless violence of their captain.

One by one, the other dragonslayers nodded their heads, accepting the lie as fact, aware that as the only witnesses, no one else would know the truth. Besides, he’d insulted their captain. For that, any one of them would have gladly run him through.

Without a word, Dilandau wiped his blade clean on the corporal’s uniform then motioned towards the guymelef.

“Carry his corpse back to camp. We’ll relay our condolences to General Lenitas upon our return. Everyone else, get into your units. We’re pulling out. Oh and Mikka, You and the rest of tier 2 are going to be practising your advanced crima forms until you can do all of them flawlessly, not to mention your encumbered landings. That was pathetic, you almost got us killed!” If it was possible for an alseides to cringe, this one managed it. It was actually rather impressive, and deeply satisfying.

“Still, it’s too bad that the corporal died.” Gatti muttered as he walked past Dilandau to reach his own waiting guymelef. Crimson eyes glanced in his direction and the captain gave a slight derisive chuckle.

“I consider it a victory for Zaibach. That man should never have commanded troops. We’ve likely saved hundreds of lives today.”

“Do you think that the Strategos will see it that way?”

“Why do you think he allowed us to go? I’m pretty sure he expected this outcome.” An amused smile danced across Dilandau’s lips. “I imagine there’s already a bottle of vino waiting in my office.”

“Of course sir.”

 

 

It was a well aged Egzardian red.

Folken must have really hated the guy.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah... Dilandau isn't so good at rescue missions. At least he got a dangerous idiot out of the chain of command, though I imagine he likely has some explaining to do to the general. I doubt she'll accept the explanation of "He slipped"


End file.
